The 10 Principles of Listening
A
good listener will listen not only to what is being said, but also to what is
left unsaid or only partially said.
Effective
listening involves observing body language and noticing inconsistencies between
verbal and non-verbal messages.
For
example, if someone tells you that they are happy with their life but through
gritted teeth or with tears filling their eyes, you should consider that the
verbal and non-verbal messages are in conflict, they maybe don't mean what they
say.
1. Stop Talking
“If we were supposed to talk
more than we listen, we would have two tongues and one ear.” Mark Twain.
Don't talk, listen. When
somebody else is talking listen to what they are saying, do not interrupt, talk
over them or finish their sentences for them. Stop, just listen.
When the other person has finished talking you may need to clarify to ensure
you have received their message accurately.
2. Prepare Yourself to Listen
Relax. Focus on the
speaker. Put other things out of mind. The human mind is easily
distracted by other thoughts – what’s for lunch, what time do I need to leave
to catch my train, is it going to rain – try to put other thoughts out of mind
and concentrate on the messages that are being communicated.
3. Put the Speaker at Ease
Help the speaker to feel free to
speak. Remember their needs and concerns. Nod or use other gestures
or words to encourage them to continue. Maintain eye contact but don’t
stare – show you are listening and understanding what is being said.
4. Remove Distractions
Focus on what is being said:
don’t doodle, shuffle papers, look out the window, pick your fingernails or
similar. Avoid unnecessary interruptions. These behaviours disrupt the
listening process and send messages to the speaker that you are bored or distracted.
5. Empathise
Try to understand the other
person’s point of view. Look at issues from their perspective. Let
go of preconceived ideas. By having an open mind we can more fully
empathise with the speaker. If the speaker says something that you
disagree with then wait and construct an argument to counter what is said but
keep an open mind to the views and opinions of others.
See our page: What is Empathy?
6. Be Patient
A pause, even a long pause, does
not necessarily mean that the speaker has finished. Be patient and let
the speaker continue in their own time, sometimes it takes time to formulate
what to say and how to say it. Never interrupt or finish a sentence for
someone.
7. Avoid Personal Prejudice
Try to be impartial. Don't
become irritated and don't let the person’s habits or mannerisms distract you
from what they are really saying. Everybody has a different way of
speaking - some people are for example more nervous or shy than others, some
have regional accents or make excessive arm movements, some people like to pace
whilst talking - others like to sit still. Focus on what is being said
and try to ignore styles of delivery.
8. Listen to the Tone
Volume and tone both add to what
someone is saying. A good speaker will use both volume and tone to their
advantage to keep an audience attentive; everybody will use pitch, tone and
volume of voice in certain situations – let these help you to understand the
emphasis of what is being said.
See our page: Effective
Speaking for more.
9. Listen for Ideas – Not Just Words
You need to get the whole
picture, not just isolated bits and pieces. Maybe one of the most
difficult aspects of listening is the ability to link together pieces of
information to reveal the ideas of others. With proper
concentration, letting go of distractions, and focus this becomes easier.
10. Wait and Watch for Non-Verbal Communication
Gestures, facial expressions, and
eye-movements can all be important. We don’t just listen with our ears
but also with our eyes – watch and pick up the additional information being
transmitted via non-verbal communication.
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